Monday, December 13, 2010

The American Dream and the Past it Was Lost In

Author's Note: This piece is  a project on the independent novel that my group and I chose to read -- The Great Gatsby. This novel was considered to be the greatest American novel of all time, and it is understandable for this to be so with the complexity of the novel and the timeless theme of the American Dream: something so longed for, but something not actually achievable, as expressed in the novel. 

The Great Gatsby does not actually reveal the theme of the novel until the very end of the book in the last two chapters. During the closing pages of the novel, Fitsgerald wants to press on the point that the American Dream is not a dream, it is a lifestyle. In the 1920's when this book was written, there were some places where the American Dream was still alive, but where the novel takes place, the American Dream has been reduced to a small idea that is only of money and pleasure. Jay Gatsby is one of the people who confused the value of the American Dream with pleasure and money, somewhere in the middle his dream betraying him. 

Daisy Buchanan, beautiful and with a voice like silk -- Gatsby's dream girl. Unfortunately, Daisy was too much of this in the literary sense. When Gatsby met Daisy before he went to war, they fell madly in love but when Gatsby was forced to go off to War, he made himself useful to his men and was offered to go to Oxford. By this time, Daisy was lonely and feeling unloved. Her letters started to include less and less of the happiness that usually radiated from her smiling face, and more of the same loneliness that Gatsby would soon become one with. Finally, Daisy said that she could not continue on waiting, and so she left Gatsby. For Gatsby though, she never really left. She was always there, except now he was the one waiting. Gatsby felt incomplete, and instead of striving to fill the empty spot in his heart, he proceeded to attempt to fulfill the "American Dream", and became rich. He bought a mansion, filled this mansion with parties and people everyday, hoping to see her face of full of happiness stumble upon him. 

Daisy was now married to a man named Tom, and had a daughter who she fussed over. The 1920's were a time of money and pleasure, both of which Daisy and Tom had, but this was not enough. Tom was a straying husband, one who had cheated on Daisy multiple times, his newest mistress a woman named Myrtle. Daisy knew of these flings, but chose to do nothing about them. She instead questioned if what she had written in that fateful letter to Gatsby was the right choice.

Nick was the only being who knew the truth about Gatsby, about his obsession to find his love and his constant living in the past, and Nick stayed the only one to truly see through Gatsby's money. It also happened that Nick and Daisy were cousins, and Gatsby's only chance to fix what had gone wrong five years ago. Gatsby had worked up such a great vision of Daisy from what he remembered, that most of what she was to him had come out of his own mind and was far more than the real Daisy. When they finally re-unite, Gatsby seems to grasp this idea, but not fully, for he cannot see that Daisy is simply betraying him.

When the end of the novel comes around, Gatsby, one who has already accomplished the American Dream, and, one who has already found Daisy, simply has nothing else to live for. Gatsby must die. Gatsby held on to the green light of Daisy's dock for years, and he had almost been able to grasp it. Truly though, Gatsby's dream was behind him, in the past where he constantly tried to recreate. The green light has faded now, and with it Gatsby.  "Gatsby believed in the green light, the orgastic future that year by year recedes before us. It eluded us then, but that's not matter -- to-morrow we will run faster, stretch out our arms farther. . . . And one fine morning ----- So we beat on, boats against the current, borne back ceaselessly into the past." 



The Dream


The green light illuminates the water
Bouncing between the waves
Playing with my eyes
My mind

A hush whisper calls to me
I know it is coming from behind me
Too far behind me
From my past

I try to turn around
But the light captures me
It holds me;
Gently caressing the corners of my soul

I can feel it emptying the pockets of my heart
Searching, or perhaps, 
I imagine it searching
For I do not feel anymore

Feelings are a part of the past
I can only live now
Or try to,
For what I do is not called living

I breathe,
My heart beats
But none of these actions are reality
Not since you became my dreams

I try to remember a time
That was not lived in my past
But the light is blocking my vision
I cannot see

But was this not what I wanted?
Had I not dreamed of this light,
Every hour,
Of every day?

This light
Does it not hold 
What I want?
Does it not hold you?

My hand gropes for something
To hold on to
But truly,
I search for you

Instead,
My fist closes on air
The light fades to blackness;
I am gone

Monday, May 31, 2010

Phoebe's Point of View

Author's Note: This is a piece I wrote from the book "The Memory Keeper's Daughter", by Kim Edwards. This book was written entirely from a third person and a first person mixed point of view of all the character's lives in the book, but the author never gave the view of a young woman in the book, Phoebe, who has Down Syndrome, so I wrote this piece about her. She was given away when she was born by her father, separated from her twin brother, Paul, and biological mother, Norah until she was 24 years old. Her father -- who was a doctor -- David, gave her to his assistant, Caroline Gill, who was instructed to take Phoebe to an institution; Caroline could not bring herself to just abandon the little baby, so she took Phoebe to another city and raised her, never telling Phoebe of the family she left behind. David was not strong enough to tell his wife that he gave their daughter away, so he tells his wife that their daughter died at birth. This secret stays hidden until David dies, two decades later. Caroline Gill then finds the strength to have the truth revealed, and this is Phoebe's view on the day she met her mother and her twin. This is my first try at writing fiction, so sorry if it is not exactly the finest piece of writing. Just for future reference, in the piece, I mention a person named Al and one named Rain. Al is Caroline's husband who she met while taking care of Phoebe. Rain is Phoebe's pet cat.

Phoebe walked outside carrying the tray of lemonade to Caroline, who was kneeling down in front of the garden, pulling out weeds that now lay strewn around her. The warmth of the sun washed down over her and she giggled; a slight breeze lifting her thin brown hair away from her face -- her body short and stout. She set the tray down on a table next to the garden and Caroline looked up at her, a smile appearing on her face, but also a worried line growing above her eyebrows. Caroline's eyes suddenly darted past Phoebe, seeing something behind her; her smile faltered, but Phoebe didn't seem to notice.

"Honey, why don't you sit down," Caroline said cheerily, but there was a nervous undertone in her voice.

Phoebe's giggle filled the air once more, ringing on through the breeze, and her voice, high and childish, yet the words somewhat slurred, answered her mother, "Yes, Mom. Do you want some lemonade?"

"Sure sweetie," Caroline answered as she sat down next to Phoebe, "why don't you pour me some, my hands are dirty from weeding the garden."

Caroline watched Phoebe as she poured the lemonade, her eyes seeing Phoebe's hands -- small and fragile -- carefully pick up the glass and smile as she succeeded in pouring the pale yellow liquid in a glass full of ice, but her heart aching as she realized what would come; Phoebe was so young and inexperienced in the world and none of it was her fault. Caroline sighed as Phoebe, content with having done the task she was told, smiled once more, her face slightly rounder and wider than a girl of twenty-four, her eyes, slanting such a slight bit upwards, that it was hardly noticeable. But it was noticed, noticed and recognized as the mental disability that had latched on to Phoebe and held her as she grew and aged on the outside; her brain still young.

Phoebe didn't seem to notice her mother's anxiousness, she was content that she was here with her mother, and the happiness of fulfilling the simple task of pouring lemonade still hung on her face. She had no way of knowing that within ten minutes, her whole life would be altered; she would not understand why the things that happened did, or for what reason they applied to her.

There was the sound of gravel popping as the red car pulled into the alley behind the yard where Phoebe and Caroline sat, and then the sound of car doors slamming, footsteps.

Caroline saw them before Phoebe, and quickly stood up and stepped in front of Phoebe's line of vision, not quite wanting Phoebe's moment of happiness to end. Phoebe tried to peer around her mother, the smile still resting on her face.

"Hello, Caroline," Phoebe heard a tentative voice of a woman speak from in front of Caroline.

"Norah, Paul," answered Caroline nervously.

"Who is it Mom?" asked Phoebe, a slight tremble in her voice.

Caroline took a deep breath, and then forced herself to smile, turning around to face Phoebe, "This woman is your mother, Phoebe, and this boy is your brother."

Phoebe's forehead scrunched in confusion, and tears formed in her eyes. Her lower lip trembled, and her face flushed with anger.

"I know this is hard to understand Phoebe," spoke the woman who had come, "but you grew inside of my stomach, and then once you were born," -- the woman breathed in deeply, as if struggling to say the words -- "your mother, Caroline, took you and raised you."

The tears that had welled up in Phoebe's eyes began to slowly slide down her face, and her high voice pierced the air, "My mother is not you. I don't have a brother."

Phoebe stepped away from her mother, feeling betrayed and confused; anger. All these feelings rushing up inside her collided, and another set of tears rolled down her rosy cheeks. Why are these mean people lying to me? Why is mom not trying to stop them? Phoebe's thoughts showed on her face and Caroline tried to step closer to her, but Phoebe backed away, shaking her head.

"No, no, no, no!" Phoebe shrieked, "Your liars! People who lie are bad people!"

Phoebe eyes looked questioningly up at Caroline as if asking her if she was right, and then she turned her gaze on Norah and Paul, who stood in front of Caroline. Norah's eyes were rimmed with tears and Paul's face was pale. Caroline's shoulders sagged and she turned towards Phoebe, pleading in her voice, and asked her to go show Paul her room while Norah and she talked. Phoebe unwillingly started towards the house, Paul following her.

"Your room is great." Paul said softly after Phoebe had led him upstairs to her room which was painted pink and had a small twin bed against one wall, a white filmy canopy top hanging over it. Caroline had decorated the room when she was little, and Phoebe had never wanted it changed. The sunlight streaming through the window captured the dust specks slowing spinning around the room, and for a moment, the room held still. Phoebe caught in the light, next to Paul, the brother she had never known; her twin.

"Thanks," murmured Phoebe, her face blushing.

"I'm sure this is really confusing to you. It's confusing for me too."

Phoebe only nodded.

"So, what's your favorite color?"

"Green. Not bright though...more like the color of grass."

"That's my favorite color too."

Phoebe smiled and then the room was silent. Phoebe looked at Paul. His hair was the same color as hers, a soft brown, but his was more full. They had the same green eyes.

"I'd really like to know you Phoebe," Paul broke the silence. His eyes cast down, barely visible through his hair hanging down over his face.

I don't understand why these people want to know me. Mom should have told them to leave. She should have told them that she is my mother; that I am her daughter. I don't want to leave Mom, especially with people that I barely know. I don't want to leave Al and Rain and my garden. I already have a family, I don't want another one. Phoebe once again only nodded.

The room went silent once more, and then footsteps were heard on the stairs and Caroline popped her head in through the door.

"Phoebe, Paul and Norah are going to leave now. Why don't you come downstairs and say good-bye?"

Paul stood, and Phoebe rose only to mumble a good-bye. She then went and sat on her bed, listening to the footsteps go back down the stairs and then out onto the front porch. She heard Norah and Caroline's voices mixing into the summer air, but she did not listen to what was being said. A few moments later, car doors closed and the sound of tires hitting gravel got softer. Phoebe sat on her bed, eyes closed, angry, hurt tears making paths down her cheeks.


Thanks for reading this if you have. Any comments on what I could change, should change, or add to this piece would be great. Again, thanks for taking the time to read this.

Tuesday, May 11, 2010

Anatomy of a Family

Author's Note: This poem is about the book The Secret Life of Bees. In this book there is a girl who pictures bees being this perfect, loving family in their hives and this poem expresses that.


Bees...
Small insects of wonder,
Studied through the eyes of one's heart.
Learned with the mind of one's soul.
Loved by the heart of one's spirit.
Bees;
One heart, one beat, one pulse...
The anatomy of a family.

Sunday, April 11, 2010

Author's Note: With this piece, I just wanted the readers to have something to respond to and a piece that I could interact with the readers.


Today I was thinking about literature, and the use of words, letters. We all know how to read and write and say the ABC's, but in reality, aren't these little squiggles and lines just things that we made up? In truth, aren't letters just some person's idea of moving the world on to something bigger and better? These questions have been in my mind for awhile, and I have wanted to share them and get other people's opinions on them for awhile also. In my mind, letters and words are simply a person's imagination that turned into reality, the entire world's reality now; the past, present, and future, but are they really necessary?

Way back when human civilization was not developed, and cave people roamed the earth, they had no need to use words. They could communicate with simple nods of the head or hand gestures, or grunts. They were able to feel sadness, anger and love, all without the use of words or letters. Then some person came along and started to draw shapes, possibly on the wall of a cave or a clay tablet, and these shapes they gave meaning to, and then called "letters", and then, put these shapes together to form "words". Words and letters that the entire world knows, eats, sleeps, and talks. Everything in this world has a name, but in reality, is it just a few complex shapes pushed together to form a longer shape that someone decided was the label of an item, perhaps the closest thing sitting next to them on the table they worked at; or was it something deeper? These questions I, and perhaps other people, struggle to find a logical answer to.

Many people say that new technology pushed letters and words, also many other inventions, to happen, but does this mean that in the future, our world will have such a drive to find newer technology that is turns into a dystopic world? How we came up with letters and words, the world may never know. But if we didn't, would our world be the same?

Just something to think about. I myself need to think about this also. Comment your thoughts please!

Friday, January 29, 2010

Calling

Author's Note - I wrote this after a walk I took through a prairie somewhere up north. The scenery was beautiful and really calming so it inspired me to write this poem.





















This moment, so fresh--
crisp;
serene and peaceful

Wanting this moment to last,
to last forever,
to never end,
never change

Slight breezes blow,
cool and soft --
but not changing the way the sun warms our skin from the cloudless blue sky

Hand stretched out to run my fingers through the tall grass --
soft brown --
reaching up to touch the edge of the sky

Long stems waving in the wind --
sending a friendly greeting to me;
the breeze sending a hello of its own,
weaving around me, through me

As we walk,
I look around me, seeing the trees on the other side of this sea --
pale browns and tans --
barren against the blue of the sky

Reminding me
of how,
as new things say hello,
others say goodbye

I look all around me --
really look at all that is surrounding me --
and can't help feeling the corners of my mouth pull upwards

For when I leave,
and return home,
and fall asleep tonight,
I will wake up
the calling that pulled me to this place,
this place of peace and serenity;
the promise of happiness,
joy,
will still be.

Thursday, January 21, 2010

The Dream

Author's Note: In this piece I was experimenting with different techniques, styles, and formats. It was orignally a paragraph of just free writing, but the writing fit more into a poem format so this is how it turned out.


White crystals falling gently to the gorund --
frosting the early morning grass with a different kind of dew
As the cool substance hits the ground --
once green and lush --
it slowly starts to build up
into a thick layering of wonder and beauty
The sky --
still starry from the night before --
begins to brighten;
pale purples and pinks,
oranges and yellow --
finally to a pale, pale blue
Being in this world full of tiny white flakes --
descending ever so softly to kiss the ground --
is like being inside a dream
A dream so real,
you can even feel the flakes landing on your skin,
catching on your eyelashes,
encasing you in a cool,
white blanket --
softer than anything in the world
Your heart feels lighter than air,
floating up towards the sky
Then it stops beating all together --
and this dream becomes reality.

A Tree Grows in Brooklyn Project




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